Sometimes I think that the universe lands me in some situations just so I can have something to write about. On the day I am going to talk about, that’s how I really felt. Let me introduce to you the character of interest in this peace, Cde Fine. Before we talk about him, let’s start with how my day went.
On this Tuesday morning, one of my colleagues who was fluent in at least 4 local languages came to say hello as always. He jokingly asked if I had been arrested on my way to work. You can read all about that incident here. This had become how people, especially him, greeted me every morning. He even started calling me Ms Mshika-shika. Bless his old soul. He said, in passing, that he was stressed about work politics that had seen him being framed for something. For some days, he had to endure a lot of harassment from our bosses, who, in their true fashion, had no time for professionalism whatsoever! I told him not to worry about it. He laughed it off, but there was pain in his voice.
It’s quite unfortunate that in a heated meeting, my colleague had a cardiac arrest and died. Nothing we tried could save him. He spent over three hours lying dead in the boardroom. All I have to say about this is that Zimbabwe as a country still has a long way to go in terms of responding to distress calls. When my colleague collapsed, it took an ambulance 20 to 25minutes to get to our workplace. They tried and failed to resuscitate him as he had died right when he collapsed. The police and funeral home people took their sweet time to get to us, so it was a very bad day for everyone. I was truly pained to witness this. When we least expected it, someone dear to us lost their life.
This incident was not even the end of my misery. By the time we left for home, there were no drivers left so we had to hitch hike. Fortunately getting to town was a breeze but however, making my way home was going to be a nightmare. I boarded some vehicle and before we even left town, we got involved in a minor car crash. Thank heavens no one was hurt, but this meant looking for transport yet again! It was a rainy day so picture me standing by the roadside in pouring rain whilst it was starting to get dark. I was wearing slacks and had an umbrella but after a few minutes I was soaking wet from my knees down to my feet. I decided to walk back to where I had hiked. On my way someone stopped and offered me a ride home. As soon as I settled in, this man started to chat me up. It was only natural, considering it was getting dark and he had picked me up in the shady part of town.
“I’m Cde Fine “
‘’Mars, thank you for saving me.”
“No worries. Why did he not make sure you got home safe?”
Hold up! Why do men still use these lines to figure out if you are off the market or nah? Maybe it’s the go-to ice breaker for shy men but seriously though? I am quite the clown so I decided to along with his assumption, just to see what would happen next.
“Oh, you know, men are trash!”
“He will be replaced by guys like me.”
“Just like that huh?’’
Now listen. I’ve only just met this man and he is already thinking about replacing my so-called man. Impressive but it takes a little more than well spoken words and a free ride, okay. He asks if I’m the one who is going to cook when I get home. I said yes. He said it’s unfair considering it was already late and I looked like I had a rough day. Again, I said the famous 3-word line. “Men are trash.” I later told him that I wasn’t married but it was so much fun messing with him. Suddenly, the topic changed.
“You know if I marry a working wife, I’m going to be a stay at home husband!”
“Whoa, no woman want’s that. In fact, we love to spend our men’s money.”
‘’I am just naturally lazy Mars! I’m very lazy, it’s amazing how I spend the day doing consultations, rounds, and stuff.’’
Let’s get back a little bit. When I had gotten into his car, he noticed my work logo and we talked a bit about our jobs and stuff. This lazy man is a medical doctor. He speaks so softly, but after he made this confession, I realised that maybe his laziness applies to every aspect of his being. Man, what a drag! Just made me think about those sloths at the DMV in the cartoon movie Zootopia! We talked a bit about this laziness, and I said I found it unattractive. He goes to say that it doesn’t really matter, he’s a medical doctor so that makes him the ultimate prize to any woman! OKAY! I laugh a lot and right there and then, I broke into one of my very sharp, high pitched what-in-the-actual-hell laughs. I even added a little clap for that theatrics effect! He then said he likes my laugh. I said that at least my laugh is nice, but my name isn’t.
“Oh yes, I don’t like that name. I dated someone with the very same name, and I found it difficult to imagine myself being married to someone called that. I ghosted her.”
“Why did you date her in the first place? I wouldn’t. Anyway, that wasn’t as nice. You should’ve broken up with her in a civil manner.”
“I agree but understand that it was such a silly reason to leave someone. At least she’s married with 3 kids now. It’s an unhappy marriage but she has someone and that’s all that matters.”
Alright. You are keeping tabs on someone you ghosted. That’s so weird and very unattractive. Both the stalking and breaking up for silly reasons. Or rather ghosting. My name sake really dodged a bullet! Lucky for me, this man’s phone rang, and he started having a conversation with someone. I was almost at my drop off point, so I asked him to park and he did, but he was still on the phone. I took a couple of bond notes and stashed them just on the dashboard, mouthed a thank you, opened the door and jumped out. That’s when he asked the person on the phone to hold, and he asks me to get back in. I should have ignored him and left but so, silly me chose to follow instructions. He said to call the person back and then he started dishing his lazy, entitled, thoughts to me.
“Mars, I would like to get to know you. Why would you just want to jump off before we exchanged numbers?’’
“Well, you hate my name, I don’t know how that’s going to work out. Besides, you are too lazy.’’
“Woman this is different. You are different. I enjoyed talking to you!”
“Alright but it would be a waste of time, trust me.”
‘’We can only know if we try. Take my card.”
“Believe me, I will never use it.”
“Take it anyway. Can I have your number then?”
He got the number then asked me to take back my money. I gladly did. I don’t play when it comes to saving my coins. I went to school for that actually! He offers to drop me by my gate as it was raining, but I gracefully declined. I wouldn’t want any surprise visits from lazy entitled doctors. Besides, I was too stressed to be imagining a future with someone. The loss of one of my colleagues whom I worked with so well made everything not worth it! We had talked about that with Cde Fine and he suggested I get counselling. Just so you know, Its been 8 days and this man never called me. Why is a sister keeping tabs on the days? You know me, i’m a clown but it is what it is. I guess he got too lazy to just get on with it! And that , my friends, is how my very short conversation with a lazy knight went!
Mars And The Moment 