The Commute Conversations: Episode 9 – 7minutes of road rage

The country ‘opened’ for business just two weeks ago and now traffic is a menace in Harare, Zimbabwe. With traffic comes road rage. In today’s episode I’m going to share a story featuring a friend of mine! Let’s call him Captain Garnish.

Just after 5pm on this fateful day, Garnish, myself and two others were riding home with Garnish driving. I work in an industrial area and when we leave for town, we use a major highway. A lot of neighbourhoods’ traffic feeds into that highway and so, every single day we must endure some delays. When we approached a particular inter section, we noticed that traffic wasn’t moving. Knowing my fellow Cpt Garnish and his impatience on the road, he decided to use a bumpy short cut. Now picture us in a 4×4 truck with questionable suspension (beggars are not choosers but look at me having an opinion) feeling every little bump on that road, not to mention the shaking from when my friend navigated in between potholes. I was trying to text my sister, but I gave up as I started to vibrate like we were experiencing an earthquake. In true Garnish fashion, we joined traffic again and he wasn’t so polite in doing so. He just kept moving and cut someone to get ahead. However, that proved to be so unfortunate a few seconds later.

Right at the next intersection, a huge haulage truck was not following traffic rules and cut right in front of us, almost crashing into us. We had right of way. The truck driver braked just in good time. Now Cpt Garnish is a very loud gentleman who takes every opportunity to express his feelings and give an opinion no matter what time of day it is, and where. He lowered his window and started screaming at that uncultured driver. We then noticed that the truck driver was holding a bottle of beer and making conversation with some two ladies that were in the truck with him. The driver shouted some obscenities at Garnish, and he shouted the same back. Now we were looking up, enjoying the altercation whilst that drunken driver looked down on us like we were his naughty little puppies. Things took a bad turn in the heat of the moment. Drunken Driver, to whom I shall refer to as DD from now on, poured his beer onto Cpt Garnish!

I remember shouting “Unopenga here iwe?” (Are you crazy) to DD. The two other passengers let out a chorus of Haa’s and Hoo’s and just like that, Garnish lost it. He just moved the car a bit so that everyone else could pass, switched off the ignition, took his keys and jumped out. I don’t know what exactly he was trying to achieve with this. Other motorists started shouting at DD whilst others simply laughed. It just became chaotic. “Adira munhu doro! Ha kusarohwa uko.” (He poured beer on someone. He needs a beating!)

We turned to see what Garnish would do. DD drove off, almost crashing into someone else, upon seeing Garnish park and step out to charge towards him. He even let out an evil laugh and wound up his window. Cpt Garnish was so angry that he kept going after the truck on foot, and he somehow picked up a rock to throw at the truck. I couldn’t understand how exactly throwing rocks at a moving truck was going to change anything. During the commotion, a lady who had been walking on the roadside decided to join in the rock throwing parade and started running towards the truck too.

I could not hold back my laughter as two healthy adults started running after a speeding haulage truck. It didn’t occur to me that all this would make great Whatsapp status content! I could have just filmed the whole thing! Now my friend was an athletic champion in high school and college. He even earned the nickname Chamupupuri (whirlwind) so I guess he wanted to channel out his inner Usain Bolt for this particular challenge. What a show off! How that was going to help beats me. I also wonder what that lady was mad about to seek revenge on behalf of a stranger. I’m pretty sure she had had a long day and needed to let some steam off and this perfect incident presented itself.

Eventually, Cpt Garnish and his lady friend gave up and stopped chasing the truck. They looked at each other and burst out laughing! I can imagine how they quickly came back to their senses after realising that they would never catch up with the truck on foot. Oh what a scene they had caused too, you know how we Harareans love a good show!! I’m pretty sure if Cpt Garnish had taken time to take a breath just when he had been baptized by DD’s cold beer, we would have followed DD for a whooping in our own vehicle! He was bent on dealing with the disrespect to teach the guy a lesson in front of his lady friends.

Traffic started to flow whilst we were still parked. Others who had taken time to film the chase had put their devices away and life started to go on as usual. And our dear Cpt Garnish embarked on his walk of shame back to the car, with his shirt wet from DD’s beer and eyes full of rage! He even had a bit of sweat on his hairline. All for nothing! His new found friend fixed her hair and picked up her handbag that she had somehow put down to deal with a stranger’s drama. If only I had the opportunity to have a chat with her. I really wanted to know what was going on in her head!

And that, my dear reader, was probably the best few minutes of road rage I have ever witnessed all my life!! Be calm on the roads and stay safe!